Things That Would NEVER Happen in X-Men: Evolution
by Untamed-Dragonfly
Summary: YES another one, brought to you by me, Hansuoki Fox! Rated for a bit of language.


H/N: I know, it's me again. I was just sittin' in my room working on Boombastical Kawaii and So We Meet Again, and this little fic just happened to pop into my head. I know there's a lot of these things out, but I wanted to add mine as well. Depending on the reviews I get, I'll try to add at least 5 each time I update. As you know, I don't own the X-Men. So here it is.  
  
Things That Would Never Happen in X-Men: Evolution  
  
  
  
[1]  
  
It was a normal afternoon at the old, run-down Victorian mansion that the Brotherhood of Mutants called their home. Lance lifted a messy ham and cheese sandwich (which was the only thing on the menu for dinner that night) to his mouth, taking a rather large bite. Only then did he notice Fred, sitting glumly on the couch of the living room, which of course was straining painfully under his massive bulk. Fred's arms were crossed glumly over his chest and a deep frown was etched into his meaty features.  
  
"Hey, Blob," Lance yelled towards his teammate, "what's the matter with you?"  
  
Fred very, very slowly, lifted his head, turning his watery gaze towards the ground-shakin' mutant, and answered childishly:  
  
"I can't float."  
  
  
  
  
  
[2]  
  
"Alright, it's going to be like this," Scott started, taking on that oh-so- not-fun-and-professional attitude he so often got. "Directly after school I want Kurt and Rogue to go visit the Brotherhood of Mutants, perhaps you can talk to them and see if they know anything. Kitty, Jean, you two will some with me, we're going to go up to Doctor." Scott cut himself as a few muffled snickers and giggles met his ears. No member of the team would look up at him, instead focused their gazes behind him, on the ground, on each other. Anywhere else. "What? What is it?" Scott asked testily, clenching the keys to his car in his fist.  
  
No one seemed in a very big hurry to give him an answer, until finally Kitty cleared her throat, and took a small (very small) step closer towards him, lowering her voice to a loud whisper. "Scott, like XYZ."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Kitty rolled her eyes upwards, raising her voice for him to hear. "Examine your ZIPPER!"  
  
  
  
  
  
[3]  
  
"Very nice work today X-Men. You showed excellent team work and communication," Professor Xavier broadcasted out, using his telepathic power to communicate to the teenagers down in the dome-shaped portion of the Danger Room from the higher-up Control Room, where he was.  
  
The team, wiping tiny beads from their respective foreheads, smiled, patting each other on the backs, quite pleased at passing that night's Danger Room challenge.  
  
"I expect you to go to your rooms at once, and go right to bed. You all have school tomorrow morning," the Professor finished.  
  
The teenagers headed towards the metallic sliding door in the far corner of the Danger Room, chattering happily among themselves.  
  
'Teamwork, my pale, pastey ass,' the Professor thought to himself, glaring down at the exiting teenagers through the large glass window in front of him. 'God, those kids get on my last damn nerves, them and their non- passive abilities. None of them would know teamwork if it reared up and stuck itself to their wide, pimply foreheads.' The Professor chuckled lowly to his own analogy, not taking notice that the X-Men below had all stopped walking, their frozen-expressioned faces tilted up towards the Control Room.  
  
"Uhh., Professor.?" Evan called out timidly. "We heard that."  
  
"*Fuck*."  
  
  
  
  
  
[4]  
  
  
  
"IIIII'm every woman, it's all in meeeeee!" Came the obnoxious, fake high- pitched singing from the steamed up boys' shower area.  
  
Scott lifted one eyebrow behind the red-tinted sunglasses that obscured the upper half of his handsome face, peering around him and walking deeper into the locker room. It was long after school hours. Who the hell was still here?  
  
"Anything you want now, baby, I'll do it naturally!" the god-awful voice continued to wail.  
  
Scott peered around the corner, only be appalled by the sight of his arch- rival, wrapped in a soft, large terry blue towel and singing into a large brown, soft-bristled brush. His eyes were closed and he sang passionately into his "microphone."  
  
"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-oa-oa!"  
  
"Matthews!" Scott roared.  
  
  
  
H/N: Well, that's all I have for today! I hoped you liked it! 


End file.
